For those of you visiting this page who have recently lost a loved one, my deepest condolences.  I do hope these words, which arose after the loss of my beloved partner, Liz, in 2017, will be of help to you in bringing healing into your broken life.

SHIPWRECK GRIEF

SHIPWRECK GRIEF

In the darkness of your dream, there is a gut-wrenching thudding crash.  One world ends, never to return.

Your vessel of life has been wrecked…

You are surrounded by disconnected, chaotic, meaningless flotsam.

And the waves of grief come crashing through… in the dark of the night they crash through… in the early light of dawn they crash through… as you crawl through the day, they crash through.

PROTECTIVE BARRIERS

You struggle and attempt to construct distractions and barriers against them, but the merciless, heartless icy waves crash through, crashing through the wreckage you thought of as your life. Flashes of fragmented memories, hopes, dreams, regrets, so much flotsam moving through and past a confused, blurred vision. Grasping for something solid to cling to.  But life and physical structure no longer have solidity, purpose is gone. The lie of permanence exposed, raw, untenable.

And relentlessly, the waves come; crashing through your mind, wrenching and clawing at your heart, tearing it wide open, a gaping and confused wound of despair and emptiness. You courageously fight to stay afloat, to stay sane. Feelings of nausea well up as the waves crash through. You have no compass, no reference point to cling to. No longer does the security of form retain its promise, the illusion of permanence is shattered wise open.

The waves keep coming; unpredictably and unwelcome they arrive, coldly crashing through your protective barriers; lost, abandoned and disconnected, anxiety and fear are constant and unwanted companions of the night. And the waves, the relentless waves, crash through the empty and barren wreckage.

BRIEF REPRIEVES

On occasion, an eerie stillness arises.  You call out their name in hope, but the mocking echoes of your voice, ricocheting around a confused and shattered mind, is all that comes back in answer…

No solid ground for your feet to find purchase on, nothing for your clutching mind to grasp – nowhere to hide from the relentless pain.

And still the waves crash through, dragging you down and under – you resiliently, courageously, struggle to stay afloat, in sanity.  You adopt a brave face, you attempt to swim through all this confusion and uncertainty, but it seems an impossible task..

HEALING BEGINS

But then, a day arises when there is a break in the pain, a stillness, a faint feeling of warmth on your skin. A weak sun breaks through the dark clouds of pain and unbearable sorrow.

Slowly the light comes at first, in brief respites. But mercilessly though, the heartless waves return, crashing through the stillness in unexpected moments, shattering the promise of healing. But then, gradually, there are more breaks, longer breaks, where the warming rays of light reawaken your spirit and begin to melt the severity of the pain.

Slowly, gradually, you begin to surrender; surrender to the isness of life, to the isness of the pain, to the isness of reality, in just this moment now. And in this moment, slowly, hesitantly, you recognize the peace resting just beneath the pain. And the inconceivable becomes possible.

As you surrender to the emptiness, to the anxiety, to the fear, to the loneliness and shattered identity, you accept the isness of life.  And then there arises from within the present moment, grace, the soft gentle hand of healing.

This was based on my healing journey after losing my beloved partner in 2017. I hope it is of some value for you. – John Homewood

 My realisations:

ACCEPTANCE AND SURRENDER

Surrender and acceptance are the keys to unlock healing.  Unconditional surrender to the flow of life, and to life in just this moment, is possible, and is the golden key to relinquishing suffering.

Healing requires an unconditional surrender to all that this moment contains. To awaken once more to the perpetual gift of life in this moment.

As we lessen our clinging to time, to the memories of the past, as we lessen our clinging to the sinking wreckage of previous hopes and dreams, as we lessen our grasping to the drifting flotsam of photographs and personal effects, we gradually see today for what it is – beautiful and filled with brand new life. Yes, this takes time, patience and courage to face a new world.

Gradually surrendering our mind and its attachments to past, we start to see the isness of life in just this moment. We start to embrace the gift of life today. We surrender our mind to the flow of life, and begin to accept the now with peace and serenity.

We come to realise that complete and unconditional surrender is the only way to healing.  Surrender to now in the knowledge that what is real can never be threatened by the shipwrecks of life.  

Love is real, and as such can never end.  Love is eternal. It is only the form through which Love appeared which is finite. Similar to the Ocean, upon which the waves arise and fall, Love remains, inviolate, eternal and ever present, just patiently waiting our recognition.

THE OCEAN IS ETERNAL

Gradually we realise (to see with real eyes) that the wreckage we have been experiencing was the wreckage of a transitory existence, a fleeting ‘story’ of form solidified in mind. Not life or reality itself.  The clinging to that which is transitory for security or identity results in what in the east is referred to as dukkha.

“Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists, and therein lies the peace of God.” ACIM

The gift in grief is the opportunity to see what is not wreaked, what is not gone, what was and is, always here, and to value that more than that which is subject to the ravages of time.  This is what awakening is.

In the end, all stories end, extinguished on the harsh sands of time.  However, the Ocean remains.  The Ocean of Love remains, closer than our breath, eternally present, always here and now.  It was never the form, it is ever the formless we truly love.

Do not cling to the past, and do not live for the future, for both are false idols, furnished with empty promises of fulfillment.  They lead to inevitable pain and suffering. Rather look and see, with awakening eyes, that which is unchanging and eternally present, lying just beneath all stories.  It has been awaiting for your home coming.

Right now, look deep into your heart, find the stillness, find that which is unchanging. It is here that you will find what you are truly looking for – that which your soul has been searching for. It has always been here. Look and see that which was never wrecked. Step back into that which was never born, and which never dies.  This is our true home.  Buddha called it śūnyatā (“emptiness”) which has been interpreted as “freedom from clinging” by Alan Watts, and I would add, freedom from the minds incessant need for attachment to the forms of life, rather than valuing Life itself, just as it is.

LOVE IS QUIETLY WAITING OUR RETURN

Right now, in this moment, discover the infinite love that surrounds, permeates and underlies all form; recognise that which is here and present, right now, yearning for your recognition and rediscovery; yearning for your return.

Love’s arms are always open and wide, waiting in quiet patient anticipation of our home coming.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

In addition to all of the above, just know this: you are truly never alone. There are Beings of infinite love with you always.  Supporting you along this sacred human journey of healing mind, body and soul.  You are loved beyond comprehension by Life.

Much love and blessings along your journey of healing…

Thank you for taking the time to read this. You may also find some insights and relief in reading my two other Posts relating to the healing of grief:

https://johnhomewood.net/i-fell-in-love-with-a-wave/

https://johnhomewood.net/healing-from-grief-this-place-is-but-a-passing-dream/

©John Homewood 2018

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