SHIPWRECK GRIEF

In the darkness of our dream, there is a gut-wrenching thudding crash.  One world ends, never to return.

Our vessel of life has been wrecked. We find ourselves surrounded by disconnected, chaotic, meaningless flotsam.  And the waves of grief come crash through.  In the dark of the night they crash through.  In the early light of dawn they crash through. As we crawl through the day, they crash through.

We struggle to put up barriers against them, but the merciless waves crash through, crash through the wreckage we see as our life.  Glimpses of memories, hopes and dreams, regrets, uncaring flotsam move through and past our confused and blurred vision. Life and structure no longer has solidity and purpose.  Their lie of permanence exposed, raw.

And the waves relentlessly come; crashing through our mind, wrenching at our heart, till it is torn wide open, a gaping wound.  And we courageously fight to stay afloat, to stay sane.  Feelings of nausea well up as the waves crash through.  We have no compass, no reference point to cling to.  No longer does the formally secure structure of form hold its promise, no permanence is found.  The illusion is gone.

And the waves come, unpredictably they arrive, coldly crashing through your protective barriers – you are lost, abandoned, disconnected – anxiety and fear are now your constant companions. And the waves, the relentless waves crash through the empty and barren wreckage.

There is, on occasion, an eerie stillness that arises – you call their name, but there is just the mocking echo of your voice ricocheting around inside your confused and hurting mind..

No ground for your feet to stand on and nothing for your clutching mind to grasp on to – nowhere to hide, and the waves crash through, bringing you down as you resiliently struggle to stand.

But then, one day, there is a weak warmth on your skin, the sun breaks through the clouds of pain and sorry.  Slowly it comes.  But the heartless icy waves still come, crashing through in unexpected moments, but now there are breaks, where the warm rays of light once again bring vision.

Slowly, gradually, we surrender to the isness of life, to the isness of the pain, to the isness of reality in just this moment. And in this moment we find peace.

In the end it is only through surrendering to the emptiness and anxiety and the fear, surrendering to the loneliness and the torn identity that there arises within us the gradual promise of healing.

Surrender is the key. Unconditional surrender to the flow of life in just this moment, and the total surrender to all that this moment now contains, and to once again see the gift of life in this moment; this is the key to healing grief.

As we lessen our clinging, lessen our clinging to the sinking wreckage of past hopes and dreams, lessen our grasping to the bobbing flotsam of photographs and personal effects and gradually see today for what it is, surrendering our mind and fully embracing the gift of today, we surrender to the flow of life and accept what is with serenity .

Surrender is the door to healing.  Surrender now in the knowledge that what is real cannot ever be threatened.  Love does not end, for love is eternal; only the form it appears through has an end.  Similar to the waves on the ocean, they arise and they fall away, but the ocean remains, inviolate, eternal, ever present.

The great realisation is that the wreckage is the wreckage of a transitory, fleeting story of form, not reality.  In the end, all stories end up this way, wrecked on the cold, harsh reality of time.  While the ocean of love remains, eternally present.

Do not cling to the past, and do not live in the future, for both are false gods, with false, empty illusionary promises.

Look and see what hasn’t changed even in this.  Look deep into your heart for stillness and find what hasn’t changed – ever. It’s there that which you are looking for.  It’s always been there. Look and find that which was never wrecked. See what never arose. Find the infinite love that lies beneath and around all form; see it – it is there right now, yearning for your rediscovery. Love’s arms are open, and wide, waiting in quiet patient anticipation for our return.

Much love and blessings with your journey of healing..

Just know you are never alone.  There are Beings of infinite love with you on this journey of healing mind, body and soul.

©John Homewood 2018

www.johnhomewood.net

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