In the darkness of your dream, there is a gut-wrenching thudding crash. One world ends, never to return.
The vessel of life has been wrecked. You are surrounded by disconnected, chaotic, meaningless flotsam. And the waves of grief come crashing through… In the dark of the night they crash through… In the early light of dawn they crash through… As you crawl through the day, they crash through.
You struggle and put up barriers against them, but the merciless, heartless waves crash through, crashing through the wreckage you thought was your life. Glimpses of memories, hopes, dreams, and regrets, so much flotsam moving through and past your confused, blurred and grasping vision. Life and structure no longer have solidity, and purpose is gone. The lie of permanence exposed, raw.
And relentlessly, the waves come; crashing through your mind, wrenching and clawing at your heart, until it is torn wide open, a gaping confused wound of despair. And you courageously fight to stay afloat, to stay sane. Feelings of nausea well up as the waves crash through. You have no compass, no reference point to cling to. No longer does the security of form retain its promise, permanence is lost. The illusion is gone.
The waves keep coming; unpredictably they arrive, coldly crashing through your protective barriers; lost, abandoned and disconnected, anxiety and fear are now constant companions. And the waves, the relentless waves, crash through the empty and barren wreckage of your life.
On occasion, an eerie stillness arises, you call out their name, but the mocking echo of your voice, ricocheting around inside your confused and shattered mind is all that answers.
No solid ground for your feet to stand on, and nothing for your clutching mind to grasp on to – nowhere to hide. And still the waves crash through, dragging you down and under – you resiliently, bravely, struggle to stay afloat through all this confusion, but it seems an impossible task.
But then, a day arises when there is a break in the pain, a stillness, a faint feeling of warmth on your skin. The sun breaks through the dark clouds of pain and unbearable sorrow. Slowly, weakly the light comes at first, in brief respites. But then the heartless icy waves return, crashing through the stillness at unexpected moments, shattering the promise of healing. Later though, there are more breaks, longer breaks, in which the warming rays of light reawaken your vision.
Slowly, gradually, you surrender to the isness of life, to the isness of the pain, to the isness of the reality in just this moment. And in this moment, slowly, hesitantly, you recognise the peace resting just beneath the pain. And the inconceivable becomes possible.
As you surrender to the emptiness and the anxiety and the fear, to the loneliness and torn shredded identity, to the isness of life, there arises from within the gradual promise of healing.
Surrender is the key. Unconditional surrender to the flow of life in just this moment. Healing requires an unconditional surrender to all that this moment now contains. To once again begin to perceive the perpetual gift of life in this moment. This is the Golden Key to healing grief.
As we lessen our clinging to the past, lessen our clinging to the sinking wreckage of previous hopes and dreams, lessen our grasping onto the bobbing flotsam of photographs and personal effects, we gradually see today for what it is; surrendering our mind to the isness of life in just this moment. We start to embrace the gift of just today. We surrender to the flow of life, and begin to accept now with peace and serenity.
We come to know, complete and unconditional surrender is the door to healing. Surrender to now in the knowledge that what is real can never be threatened. Love does not ever end, for love is eternal; only the form through which it is appearing is finite. Similar to the ocean upon which the waves arise and fall away, love remains, inviolate, eternal, and ever present.
The moment of greatest realisation arises when it is perceived that the experience of wreckage is the wreckage of a transitory, fleeting story of form, not reality. In the end, all stories end this way, exhausted on the cold, harsh rocks of time, while the ocean of love remains, eternally present.
Do not cling to the past, and do not live in the future, for both are false egoic homes, furnished with empty and illusory promises. Look with awakening eyes and see that which is unchanging.
Look deep into your heart for stillness and find that which is unchanging. It is there that you will find what you are looking for. That which your soul has been searching for. It has always been there. Look and find that which was never wrecked. Settle yourself back into that which never arose and never died, that which is your true home. Find the infinite love that surrounds and permeates all form; see what is here and present right now, yearning for your recognition and rediscovery; yearning for your home-coming. Love’s arms are open, and wide, waiting in quiet patient anticipation of your return.
Much love and blessings along your journey of healing…
Just know you are truly never alone. There are Beings of infinite love with you on this precious human journey of healing mind, body and soul, and they love you beyond comprehension.
Thank you for reading this.
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©John Homewood 2018