Christmas message – The Secret to dissolving family tensions

So it’s Christmas once again!  At the core of the Christmas celebrations, is the deep desire for peace on Earth, and the rebirth of love into the world.  Then why does this time of the year bring up so much family conflict?
Ex Harvard professor of psychology, Richard Alpert better known as Ram Das, famously stated that if you think you are so enlightened, just go and spend a day with your family!!  Why is it that family gatherings can be a time of stress and conflict, bringing out the worst in us??  Maybe it’s because those that are closest to you know where our buttons are, and their pain bodies rejoice in pressing them to get a reaction they can feed on!  This is ‘normal’ in most families, and has been going on for generations!

How do we get through the ‘festive’ season without pain and conflict?

The Course in Miracles states “Seek not to change the world (read ‘the ‘other’) seek rather to change your mind about the world.”

All change has to start within.  Changing the way to see a situation is of paramount importance.  The Good Book implores us to remove the log from our own eye before trying to remove the splinter from another.

So when someone pushes your buttons this Christmas, rather than reacting from past unconscious programming, try to look at it differently.  Realise that if they are pushing your buttons, then you must first have a button (or two) to be pressed.  i.e. they are your‘buttons’.  And if they are yours, then you are empowered to change them.  You dissolve your buttons first by owning them, then my forgiving them.  Sounds too simple?  Well it does take some practice, but I bet there will be family members willing to help you this Christmas!!

Every time you feel the heat rising within you in reaction to something the other has said or done to you, step back, and take a deep breath in.  It only takes one conscious breath to align yourself with the ability to choose your reactions.

Choose to see the situation in a different way.

Instead of reacting from unconsciousness, now, choose to see the situation in a different way.  Say to yourself “I have the button which has just been pushed.  I am now aware that I have that button, which I was unaware of before.  I now choose to be grateful for the gift of being made aware of that unconscious button that I must have been carrying for so long.  I am therefore thankful to the other (insert their name here) for showing me my button and allowing my light of conscious awareness to dissolve that sensitivity I have had. Thank you (insert their name once again here), I really appreciate the gift of reflection you have given me, and I truly bless you for this.”

Now, take another deep, slow breath, and realise the healing that has taken place, and the role that the ‘other’ played in your awakening.

This might take repeated practice, but the gift is there for the unwrapping.

Presence, rather than unconscious reaction is the way, and gratitude is the magic key.

And it takes conscious practice for most of us.

Blessings

John

Lick – photo credit: horizontal.integration via photopin cc