By John Homewood

Are you still carrying the pain from a break-up or end in a relationship? Isn’t it time to bring closure right now? How much longer do you want to carry this pain and suffering with you?

Partings are painful for the mind but free us up for new experiences in the future.

Relationships, be they with a lover, parent, child, friend, work colleague or boss are designed to help us grow and awaken.  And sometimes this is a painful process.  It is only people we are closely connected with that discover where our vulnerabilities and buttons are, and they sometimes relish pushing them!

Here are 7 steps to releasing the emotional ties, healing and moving forward with our lives having gained the lessons:


In a nutshell they are:

  • Own the issues and pain
  • Feel the pain fully
  • Accept what is
  • Monitor your words and thoughts
  • Don’t distract yourself from your healing
  • Acknowledge the gifts of experience
  • Allow gratitude into your awareness.


1)            Own the unresolved issues which you are carrying and which are causing you so much pain and suffering.  By projecting them outwards onto another person or situation you are delaying healing and giving away your power.  If you are feeling something – it is YOURS.  Not the other person’s.   Ask yourself where is this pain coming from?  And then be still and wait for an answer to arise out of the stillness, not your conditioned mind.  Awareness is the greatest agent for change.  Quite often it’s not what you originally thought, but some other issue buried deep within you that is the real cause of the pain.

2)            Fully feel and embrace that pain. It is helpful to find where in your body the pain is.  Bring your full attention to your body and just feel the discomfort that lies there now.  No further need to understand it, or to change the present or the past, just fully feel the pain that you are feeling NOW.  The moment you bring your full attention and truly accept what you are feeling, with no thought about the cause, then magically it starts to ease.

3)            Accept what is.  What is, is.  The past is as it is.  Current circumstances are as they are.  Accept just this moment.  If you need to take some form of action, then take it, but take such action from a state of mind of full acceptance that this is what is now.  Your actions will then arise out of a state of peace rather than from a state of anger or resentment.  The fruits of your action will then bear the fruit of peace rather than the poison of resentment.

4)            Watch your thought and words.  They have great power.  Reframe from saying negative things about the past relationship.  The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your feelings right now.  Negative or derogatory thoughts and words will only serve to generate negative bad feelings with you and block healing.

5)            Don’t distract or cover up your pain by getting into another relationship until you have fully healed the attachment to your past story.  Forgive yourself and your past thoughts and emotions fully before considering another intimate relationship.  By working with the 4 points above healing happens quickly.  It doesn’t take time; it takes your full presence.

6)            Focus on what you have learned about yourself.  Focus on the pearls of wisdom you have gained by traversing the old relationship.  There is a gift in everything.  All we have to do is open our eyes to see it and acknowledge it.

7)            Feel waves of gratitude washing through your mind and body now, cleansing you of past.  Allowing gratitude to well up from deep within you, will open yourself up to the healing power of grace, which is the magical healer and transformer of all pain into joy.

“What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master terms a butterfly.”  Richard Bach, author of ‘Johnathan Livingston Seagull’ and ‘Illusions’.

Remember: Your Point of Power is in the Present.